cometissa:

I want to get my shit together and turn my life around but I also want to die

I’ve been binging pretty much every day for two years now, I don’t know how to stop myself and I’m really at my limit.. I don’t know how to get help for it

I realized I have two monsters inside me
hollow & vengeance, that’s what I’ll call them
hollow haunts me horrible but not so often
vengeance has a mild presence but the consequences are much worse
because with vengeance, I don’t have any control. she forces me into actions that are just to spite myself (she makes me binge)
she’s around so often and I wish she would go
hollow used to be my daily friend
she tormented me but she listened to my true desires
because with her I could stay empty all day
despite the emotions, the constant head fuck, the anxiety of whether or not I should eat that because it will keep me from reaching my goal,
despite all that
hollow was making me into nothing
I would keep fading away
until eventually I would cease to exist

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